ENERGY OF THE WEEK – Middas Tiferes
Bs"d
As you know, every week of sfiras haomer we work on a specific middah – character trait. This week's middah is "Middas Tiferes". But what is Tiferes, and how do we work on it?
The root of the Hebrew word Tiferes is "Pe'er" (Peh, Alef, Reish). The word Pe'er means beauty, but it can also mean a branch (of a tree). Now, what could possibly be the connection between beauty and a branch? We know that in Hebrew, all the words that have the same letters are somehow related, so there must be some connection between the concept of beauty and branches of a tree. And even once we understand that, what does all this have to do with a character trait?
The Sefer Derech Mitzvosecha (written by the Tzemach Tzedek, the third Lubavitcher Rebbe zy"a) explains1, that beauty is perceived only when there exists a contrast. For example, imagine a flowerpot that holds in it some beautifully formed tulips – but everything around them is all the same color. Imagine that the tulips are white, the stems and leaves are white, the soil is white, and even the flowerpot itself is white,. Would that be beautiful? It really wouldn't be very nice at all. Rather, the beauty is exhibited only when there is contrast. When the flowerpot is a red-brown and some of the tulips are white but some others are pink and red, and the leaves are green and the soil is brown – that contrast is what awards the perception of the flowerpot and its flowers its beauty.
- Maamar Ma Yafu Paamayich, ois gimel. ↩
SHALOM BAYIS SERIES – 9: Man’s Greatness Comes Through the Balance
Bs"d
Because a man’s nature is to think about more world-wide, less practical ideas, he needs to practice focusing more on the practical side of each situation, in order to achieve the balance he needs and thus reach his greatest level in the worship of Hashem.
Therefore: A man must be careful not to overlook his physical reality.
Example: A man should realize that by nature he is prone not to eat enough, not to sleep enough, etc. when he is caught up in the throws of some "world level" accomplishment (i.e. preparing a shiur for many people, sealing a large business deal, organizing the shul’s yearly benefit, etc.); he must therefore take care in such circumstances to maintain a balance and to appropriately fill all his basic needs.
He must be careful not to overlook his wife’s physical reality.
Example: A man needs to be aware that his wife’s physical capacity is not the same as his own. If a couple needs to walk two blocks away to get a taxi, but they are traveling with three heavy suitcases, or if they decide to go on a hike together, the man should realize that his wife’s abilities may not be the same as his own, and should not expect of her to be able to follow his pace.
He must be careful not to overlook his wife’s accomplishments.
Example: A man should realize that by nature he is prone not to appreciate his wife’s accomplishments at home when he is caught up in the throws of some "world level" accomplishment; therefore during such times he should practice when coming home to shift his focus to the practical level, and to take notice of what has been done today in the house. He needs to remind himself, that in Hashem’s book, his wife’s cooking of the food, bathing the children, and cleaning the house, have no less importance than, for example, the completion of a daf, or the raising of enough funds to marry off a needy Chasan and Kallah.
He must be careful not to overlook communications.
Example: A man needs to be aware that he is prone by nature to forget about calling home when he is outside and is caught up in some "world level" pursuit. Once he is married, he needs to understand the value of having a home base, namely, someone who is waiting for him at home. On such occasions he should strive to take the time to call home, and to communicate where he is and how much longer it seems it will take before he comes home.
Ultimately, he must be careful not to overlook the needs of the home.
Example: A common dialogue that can take place between a couple is: "One minute, take out the garbage!" – the wife calls to her husband as he sprints out the door in the morning. "Can’t you see how late I am?" – calls back her husband – "the bus for the Kollel is leaving in one minute; I’ll take it out when I come home!". A man needs to understand why this common answer is unacceptable. The man is coming from the point of view that what takes place in Kollel is infinitely greater than the insignificant act of taking out the garbage. Because his tendency is to relate to a more spiritual accomplishment, it seems to him that what can be accomplished by applying himself toward a spiritual pursuit during the time he is in Kollel, will help him reach much higher heights in his avodas Hashem than by exerting himself to remove the physical stench of the garbage that will be sitting in his house the whole day. In reality though, it is exactly this act of taking care of his home, that can make him all the greater. By taking responsibility for the practical needs of his home, a man strikes a balance with his lofty and more removed nature, and thus reaches true greatness.
Being positioned as leader of his household, forces a man to focus on the practical needs of each situation, something which is hard for him to do by nature, since his tendency is to focus on ideas that are beyond the practical realm. However, this should not be considered as a "step down" for a man; rather, it is a huge step up toward completeness and greatness.
Real greatness, is defined by how much a person can condescend to those who are smaller than him, to those who depend on him.
"Rabi Yochanan said: Wherever you find [mentioned in the psukim] the Awesomeness of Hashem, you find [cited next to it] the Humility of Hashem1".
The simple meaning of this ma’amar, is that it comes to teach us the importance of the attribute of humility, and that we must include humility among our middos if we want to complete our work of patterning our middos after those of Hashem2.
However, this ma’amar can also be understood to mean, that the revelation of real Awesomeness and Greatness, is only completed through the revelation of Humility.
L’Iluy Nishmas Chaya Miriam bas Zev Halevi a"h
AVODAH FOR THE WEEK – Don’t Jump!
Bsd
As we enter the upcoming month whose energy is about jumping forward (see Energy of the Month), we must be cautious not to jump to a level that is not real for us.
The holy Ohev Yisroel (Rav Avrohom Yehoshua Heshel of Apt zy"a) writes in the Likutim for this week’s Parsha, Parshas Vayikra:
"Vayikra el Moshe" – Hashem called to Moshe, and says Rashi in the name of Chazal, that preceding each dibur that Hashem imparted to Moshe, was first a kriah to Moshe – a calling, to prepare Moshe for what was about to come.
"Dah, you should know, that Rashi z"l in the name of Chazal is coming here to teach us a great principle in [keeping] the Torah, and that is, just like Moshe did not advance to speak with Hashem until first preceded by a calling, so too the individual who wants to go up to Hashem from level to level, must first receive by each [ascending] level a calling from Shomayim in order to be given that level. The true Avoda to Hashem is davka [by] one who worships Hashem and really doesn’t want any levels until he is called from Shomayim and is "forced" to go up a level, because his reaching [an additional level] is a need for the world."
The Ohev Yisroel gives us an invaluable perspective on Avodas Hashem: the goal of worshipping Hashem is not to reach higher and higher levels; the goal is the worship itself.
The Middle Path
Recognition of a Lifetime
Probably the greatest teaching that I’ve learned over the years has been the "secret" of the middle path. The reason I call it a secret, is because it was never presented to me with the full importance that it really commands. Sure, I had known for years about the Rambam zy"a in Hilchos Deyos1 regarding how to heal an extreme character trait – by going to the other extreme in order to come to the middle. But that had seemed like just another valuable idea among thousands of other mussar selections regarding how to improve one’s character traits, rather than being a foundational understanding of the entire Torah.
The point in my life when I came to realize the magnanimity of this rule, was about twelve years ago during a discussion with an older, very proficient and highly respected Talmid Chacham in Yerushalayim tv"s. The discussion was about "truth", and the question was: "What really is the definition of truth?"
My understanding until then had been that truth is an absolute; that we believe as frum Jews that there is an objective non-changing truth in the world, and that – by definition – ultimately obligates everyone to subscribe to it. Therefore I also thought, that each situation in life has ultimately one solution. I thought that there is an absolute truth that is uniform and non-changing for all situations, and that it is just each person’s free choice to decide whether he wants to see it and follow it or not.
- Perek 1, Halachos 3-4. ↩
Bs"d by Rabbi Nachum Chaimowitz Another statement that one should just never say: 3. Never compare yourselves to any other couple. The person that Hashem has introduced and ultimately united you with, is someone who is exactly what you need in order for you to reach your highest level of completeness. Realize that [...]